Silence

What is this, this silence that smothers
That kills?


Misunderstood
People taking my side
And blurring things
Unrecognizable
I'm misunderstood by you


I never wanted to be bitter against you
And still
I'm not
Yet the things that people say
That they write
Make me seem like a monster


I want your life to be good
And I want you to be happy
I just wish there wasn't this silence
I don't want a relationship
I just want friendship


How are you doing?
Are you sticking to your faith?
Are you being swayed by this world?
Stay strong, my friend
Stand strong in Christ


I feel like I cannot talk to you
Because of this silence
Curse this silence
This silence that kills.

What we like to imagine...

There are times in your life when you see that person who looks like that other person from your past. People you would rather forget. They look like them. Talk like them. Act like them.


Until you realize...it is that person. You just didn't want to admit to yourself that you're falling for them again. For that person who took your heart that you so carefully offered and threw it on the floor and stomped on it. 


You blinded yourself. 


You deceived yourself.


And when you fall, you fall hard. 

Farewell

I dreamed of you last night
You were my knight in shining armor
My prince
My fairytale love
This is one dream that won't come true


Yeah, dreams come true
But only the ones you work towards
And baby
I don't wanna work towards you
My phantom dream
Only for you to disappear
And leave behind my bent and broken heart


You see
I don't want my dream to include
Lies and mistrust
Deceit and hurt
I dream bigger than that
It includes God
And a relationship based on
Trust and Him.


I hope your dreams become bigger
And I hope they include truth and honesty
And peace. I wish you the best
I hope that you find true love
And don't let the past barge in
I hope your relationship with 
Him grows and you will
Become the man of God
I know you can be
And the man of God
You are meant to be


And someday, maybe we can
Be friends
Hopefully sooner than later
But for now
This is my farewell


♥

My outburst

I wrote this...some time ago. Well...a couple of months ago I guess. Just...seriously. Emotional outpouring. Completely. Doesn't mean I feel this way now. :-)(well...maybe parts of it, ha)


I'm so sick of these games everyone is playing. All of these hidden meanings have hidden meanings behind them. I never know what you're thinking and I don't want to get hurt. Oh Jesus, help me with this first cut, because it bleeds, and poison gets in instead of out. The difficulty of not knowing is tearing at me, I have a knot in my stomach. The emotions are taking their toll on me, I thought we were done with this? But no, more drama, more games, please cut the crap. Be a real man and say what you're thinking, what you're feeling. Be a man, and tell me the truth.

I need to feel cherished, to feel loved, why am I saying He's not enough?

the feel of his arms around me
disappear under a cloud of mistrust
can I ever trust you again?
Truly, never again
They warned me about your type
you playboys acting innocent
and you denied your earned title
and I believed you.
You piece of crap
you good for nothing liar
Words are your trade
Well who would have thought?
You covered up the lies
with sugar and spice
You told me you cared
How nice
Grow some balls
be a man.